Why Overthinking Is Killing Your Authenticity (And What to Do About It)
Hey everybody. Welcome back to How it's really going at 50 with Shayna Rucker, and today we are chatting about. The burden of overthinking and it really is a burden and it just sucks the life out of you. And I just wanna talk about it because I realized after listening to my last podcast episode, and yes, I do listen to my own episodes, I just like to listen and think okay, how was that?
Whatever. And after listening to my last episode, I realized how bad it was and the reason it was. So not great in my opinion, is because I edited the crap out of it using AI and I was overthinking it and between, my overthinking and I kept pushing it to AI and going, okay, how does this sound?
How does this sound? And AI kept saying, you're repeating yourself, you're doing this, you're doing that. It's best if you can get concise and all these things. It just ended up getting sliced and diced down to something that's, in some areas. Didn't even fucking make sense when I transitioned from one thing into another because I cut out the piece that it told me was too much and it really got me thinking.
About how overthinking things really does take the magic out of it. And when I think about recording that episode last week or whenever it was. Part of the reason, when I run my podcast transcripts through ai, I'm asking it for a general is there anything in here that you think is wrong or bad, or are there any parts that I should look at as far as.
Just to make a good podcast episode, a good listening experience for my podcast listeners, and it will go through and it'll tell me areas and things like that, that I'm repeating myself and I've made this point already and I don't need to make it again. And, and then, so then I'm chasing around this transcript, trying to cut out and make this perfect podcast episode when really at the end of the day, I think the things that make my podcast.
Unique and make the people who listen to my podcast enjoy me speaking is because I do think out loud. I do sometimes take, three or four runs at a point and say things over and over again or repetitively. And that's just how I am and that's how I talk and that's how I process. If you and I were sitting here having a glass of wine together, this is exactly how I talk.
And so by running it through AI and trying to help get it to help me, make this perfect podcast episode, it's actually taking all the good stuff that makes me me out of it. And I realized that, 'cause I was listening to that episode and I realized how bad it was and what it got me to think was like I was overthinking that way too much.
I was overthinking the episode. I was overthinking the feedback. I was actually, I would say under thinking about the fact that I was like, wait, what if this is the part that makes it good? What if I know I've already said this twice, but what if this is the time that it actually hits home for somebody.
Because I know for me, I sometimes need to hear things three or four times before it actually clicks. I just thought, you know what? I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm not gonna sure, I will review my podcast, take out, any of the errors that I make or any long pauses or, I, definitely wanna make it a good episode for the listener, but I'm not gonna overthink the way that I get my points across because this is how I am and this is how I talk and it got me just thinking about overthinking in general and how much.
I'm gonna speak for all of us, but I, it might not be for everyone. I know this is for me for sure, and I think I'm not alone in this, but how much I censor myself because I am, worrying about what other people think. And this is not new for me. I've been like this my whole life and, but surprisingly, I've been like this my whole life.
But I have done things in my life. Maybe most people or a lot of people maybe wouldn't do and or I have spent a lot of time being a voice online, whether it was, back in the days of doing Facebook lives and running a business through using Facebook or having podcasts. I've had a podcast for a while.
I've had a business that's required me to be a voice out in the world, and I think to myself, how much I held back during those years and if I had to just let myself just be and just do the things that I wanted to do and say the things that I wanted to say and just fully be myself and not edit myself to death and overthink it and, 'cause sometimes I would get ideas.
To do things and I would be like, oh, that's such a great idea. And then if I didn't get a chance to do it right away by the next day, I've thought about it so much now, or I've overthought about it and by the time I actually get to do it, I don't either end up doing it or I just have it paired down so much that it's not as great as it was when I came up with the first idea and I think.
There's something to be said for doing it messy, and that's where you, if you get the idea, you get the thought and you have the ability to be able to act, fairly quickly and just do it and do it messy. I often find whenever I have that kind of a situation where I just, hit go and do something without overthinking it.
90% of the time, it's my most well received content or whatever it is that I'm putting out and whatever it is that I'm doing. And there is something to be said for that. And I think it's because that is the authentic energy of who you are. And people feel that, I've talked about this before, where people can feel your energy.
Through your actions and through your voice and through your intentions and the things that you do, and, and they might not always be able to pinpoint why something, resonates or doesn't resonate or why something sounds or feels really good or why it doesn't feel really good. It's the energy they're picking up on, whether it's, authentic and, good, good energy or if it's.
Inauthentic, negative energy. They can feel that. I really believe that in order for us to be successful, like really successful, truly successful, like success that feels good to us, not just in, success in dollar signs and money and people and all that kind of stuff, but.
Doing work that feels really good to us. It has to come from that authentic place. It has to come from that place where you're not overthinking it and you're not oversensing yourself because that, that's where it begins, gets really hard. Like that podcast episode I did last week it was like 13 minutes long or something.
It was originally, I think probably, I think it was just under 30 minutes when I originally did it. And, but it took me the longest to, to edit and get done. Like I was in my office all afternoon editing that thing and I should have just posted it as it was and just not run it through AI and just just, did my basic editing and let it, let it rip,
It probably would've been a much better episode. With that being said, I'm glad that I went through that because it opened me up to the fact that. I don't wanna over censor and overthink everything that I'm doing on here. That's not the point. The point of this is to be able to riff and process my thoughts and go through, things that are happening in my life and in my business and, whatever.
And, and share it with you guys. And I'm gonna share it with you how I share it with you. And if you like it, amazing. If you don't, you don't, that's fine. But I'm done over censoring myself and overthinking. All the things that I wanna do. And it's funny because this morning I put put out a Instagram story it was in regards to GLP ones and the fact that I had, I had been working out, I did a workout and I was wearing a workout outfit that is new actually, it was a new outfit and it was red.
Red. I never buy red workout gear. It's always black and maybe a colored top, but 90% of the time my workout gear on the bottom is black. But this, I bought red tights and a red sports bra, and I took a picture of myself because I was feeling really proud of how I was looking in. The mirror of my, like I have a mirror in my gym, and so I just took a little picture of myself and I was like, feeling good about how I looked and while I was working out, I was thinking about.
A message that I wanted to share because since putting out into the world that I have been taking GLP ones, and I did it on my social media and I've done a couple podcast episodes on it, I've had a lot of people message me asking my thoughts and my opinions, and some of them had already started that taking the medication.
Some of them wanted to take the medication and I've been having lots of chats with women in my dms. While I was working out, I was like, I really wanna post a message to all of these women that I've been chatting with and, and, and talk about the importance of, weight training and nutrition while you're taking a GLP one.
That, it's not just a quick fix that we have to actually do the work, that it's just a tool, all of those things. And instead of overthinking the post because. I could have. Instead, I was done my workout, I sat down, I put the picture in my stories. 'cause I knew that that picture would probably get people to stop just because it's not something that I normally post.
And I, 'cause I wanted them to read it. And so I just sat down, put that picture, typed the, the message. Didn't overthink the message. I, I read it once. I, I think there was even a couple mistakes in it, and I didn't even care because I just, I knew that if I thought about it for too long, I would probably not do it.
And so I just fucking posted it and it's been, I had great response. Not that I was looking for, that, I wanted the message of the post to get to the people that I wanted it to. And it did. That's the kind of stuff where it's like, why do I need, why would I overthink that?
It's a message I feel strongly about, it's a message that I wanna share. I'm was, wanting to share that the photo and so fucking just do it. And I realized like how much time that I spend with these ideas in my head that I never acted on or never done anything with, because. I start to overthink what the response is gonna be.
And that is, that's soul crushing. And it's also crushing to any kind of, I think any kind of dreams that you have for your life, if you come at it from that place of always protecting yourself and making sure that you're not doing anything that's gonna piss anybody off or get any kind of negative attention or whatever.
You are gonna miss out because not everybody's always gonna agree with you. Not everybody's always gonna love what you have to say. And that doesn't matter. They're not, they don't need to. You don't need to. But I believe at the core that in order for you to have something fulfilling that you love to do in your life, in your career and whatever, you have to come at it from like true authenticity.
And that's the only way it's really gonna actually work. It's, it's funny because I think about that with my network marketing business. I had this really. Strong network marketing team. We were doing millions and millions of dollars in sales. We, it was something that I did for almost 10 years, but near the end of that career, which I didn't know that it was gonna be the end, but I started not enjoying the business and I started learning more and more about the not so great side of network marketing and MLM and pyramid schemes
and. What used to feel good and authentic for me, like I was really proud of the business that I had and I really loved the product I truly believed in what I was doing and I was very authentic in that.
Once I started learning more about the dark side of network marketing , and a lot of this stuff. It started to feel inauthentic to me. It started to feel like something that it wasn't something that I could totally stand behind, and that's when it started to fall apart, and that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
It's like you can be successful, I think, and be inauthentic, but it doesn't feel good and it probably won't last. I think real true success. And fulfillment comes from truly stepping into who you are and what you believe and not worrying about what other people think. And you see it all over the internet, right?
Like you see it all over social media. You see people who are speaking their truths as an example. There's this one Instagram account I follow. And she is a perimenopausal doctor. She's a doctor. She works with the women in menopause. And her account, 'cause I wanna give her a shout out, is called Dun, D-U-N-N-E. So I think that's her last name, dun, with menopause.
Alexis Dunn is her name, and I remember when she first opened her Instagram account she started doing videos and she just was, she just fucking says it like it is. She talks about menopause, she talks about politics. She talks about women's stuff. She talks about family. She talks about friends.
She talks about her kids. She doesn't pull any punches. She just says it as it needs to be said. And I remember seeing her first video. She had a thousand followers. She's a 104,000 followers right now. Now I realize that it's a hot topic. There's a lot of menopause influencers out there.
But I think the reason why, and I mean I'm talking, she went from zero to 104,000 in six months. And that's because she just shows up. She turns on the mic, she says what she has to say, says, and like she doesn't give a fuck. And that is where I think we need to be in order to be able to find success in things.
And I think there's. Something about being in your fifties too. Just to add to this, where our brain changes and we actually give less fucks about all of this kind of stuff. We don't care so much about what other people think. I don't know if that's, I, I'm sure it's a brain chemistry thing. I'm sure it's a hormonal thing, but I'm also sure it's just a life thing.
It's just like we're tired. We don't have the energy or the brain space to put so much time and attention into things now. I still do it 'cause I did it with the podcast and I'm still doing it in my life. But I'm realizing, and I'm seeing this more and more in my own life, where I am doing it and where
I no longer want to hold back. And this podcast being one of those places, my social media being another one, it's one of the reasons why I started using threads because I just, I love the. Just the anything goes, thoughts and feelings that you can post out on there. And it's just a whole gamut of people just being themselves and it's also a great place to practice that not holding back on your, on what you wanna say.
Like I've, I've said all kinds of weird things on there and posted my thoughts and feelings about things, and it's really interesting to see what people respond to and. It's just for me, it's remembering to actually do it. 'cause sometimes I get like a funny thought and I'm like, oh, that'd be great for threads.
And then my phone's not anywhere near me. And then by the time I get back to my phone, I've totally forgotten what I said I was gonna post. But anyways, that also comes with age. It's just there's a feeling and energy that comes from being authentically you. And if we can stop overthinking what everybody else is gonna think, because the funny stuff, the funny part about that is that nobody's actually really thinking about you as much as you think they are.
So why waste energy on that? Because the more you can be yourself and just do what you wanna do, post the picture, start the business, make the podcast, say the things that you wanna say. I think the better response that you're gonna get to whatever that thing is.
And again, I do believe that's because the energy transfers. I know for me, I am never, I've never been one to try and be perfect at anything. I've always been somebody who is just trying to figure it out just like the rest of you, I'm a very unpolished, and I.
Realize that I am trying to squash that and that's not what I need to do. I need to be her in order to do the thing that's gonna hit and impact the people that I wanted to impact. Because when I try and overprocess and overthink and try and over per perfect, the message gets lost.
I know when I'm listening to things online and I'm listening to, whether it's YouTube or podcasts or Instagram stories or whatever, the, the things I always relate the most to are the people who are just riffing off on a topic. And I think that with the increase of AI content that's coming into the play the marketplace and into the world and into social media and stuff, was one of the reasons I got off Facebook was because every time I went on there, it was just a bunch of stupid AI garbage videos.
And I, it was just like, why am I even on here? I don't even wanna see this stuff. And I think the more of that, that's. Is creeping in. The more we're gonna crave authenticity, the more we're gonna crave the person who's just rambling out and processing their thoughts in real time and just being human. And I think that's an important.
A piece to remember. If you are creating something or you are starting the business, or you are, just wanting to be an influencer on social media, maybe you wanna start selling widgets or whatever it is that for you to bring your full, authentic, unique self to whatever that project is. Because when you do it that way, I promise you, I truly believe this, that that is where your success is found.
It's not found in being perfect. It's not found in being polished. It's not found in trying to say the thing that you think will resonate with everyone. I think the people who can say what they wanna say and do it in a way that's respectful I'm not talking about being an asshole. I'm just saying that is your thoughts and opinions and, and yes, respecting others and, and being mindful of that, but also like just being you.
And doing it the way that you do it. So there's definitely that, and I feel like. I like, if you go back to my last episode and listen to it, it's only 13 minutes. If you can handle it you'll see, you'll realize you, you know how much I sliced and diced that shit up and it turned into just a dog's breakfast of a podcast.
But I did it anyways. I posted it anyways 'cause I think there were still some good points in there and I'd rather. Still put it out there. 'cause I, to be honest, I didn't have the time to rerecord. I didn't have the time to make any changes and I thought the message was still interesting.
But I wish that I had just put out the episode that I had originally recorded with all my repetitive messages and all the things, because I think it would've been more enjoyable to listen to. That is all I'm saying. So if you are listening to this now, I really want. You to hear that this is a permission slip to just be yourself and bring you to whatever it is that you're doing.
Even in it doesn't even have to be in business and in social media and, and podcasting. Like even in your relationships, even in your friendships, it's, it applies to everything. And I think sometimes, we, we hold back who we are in certain situations and with certain people because we are afraid to be seen.
And we are afraid that people won't like the, authentic version of who we are. And it's sad that we feel that way, and I'm sure more for women that it's a, it is a societal thing. Like we've been conditioned to believe we need to, restrain ourselves and be a certain way and, and it's unfortunate.
And hopefully it's something that we will see less and more, less and less of, and we'll see more of us just truly stepping into who we are and being ourselves and being unique because that's what the world really needs. It needs more of that authentic, unique humanness that makes you, you. It doesn't need cookie cutter.
It doesn't need the same, the same message everybody else is doing. 'cause we're bored. We're definitely bored of that. And that's why I think the AI stuff, sure it's fun to see what it can do, but people don't wanna see AI people doing ads and ai. Training courses with AI robotic people I don't wanna see that.
At the end of the day, people don't want that. They want you. So whatever it is that you need to do, I know for me, I have to recognize. When I'm in an overthinking cycle and immediately stop it and be like, stop. You don't have to make it perfect. It needs to be you.
It needs to be authentic. It needs to be, it needs to be what it is. So just let it go. Because at the end of the day, whatever it is that you're doing, that trust with your audience comes from you. Being you, and they feel like they are getting to know who you are. And if you take that away, it becomes cookie cutter. It comes, it becomes, everybody else, it becomes boring. And we don't want boring.
We don't, we've got enough boring. We need you, we need your authentic, unfiltered voice images, all the things. Put yourself out there. Say it like it is, say it like you do. Repeat it a thousand times if you need to. Just be you and that's what will bring you that ultimate success in whatever it is you're doing.
And that's the work, that's the practice because I know it's not always easy to do it. It wasn't easy for me to post that photo today on my Instagram, but I did it and maybe I'll do it again. Who knows? But yeah. Alright guys, that's it for me. I hope that you have an amazing week. I will talk to you soon.
Bye for now.
